1. I received a survey from a Cadillac customer. He included a 2 page letter to President and CEO G. Richard Wagoner Jr. detailing the harrowing experience he's had trying to resolve issues with AM static on his radio. So far this guy has a few strikes against him: 1) he's from New York 2) he's complaining about something trivial 3) he made it very clear that he has his PhD and is a psychologist with money 4) 2 and 3 combined. It was somewhat funny though because customers can NEVER escalate their concerns beyond our call center (which is a separate company from GM) and he sent this post script:

"P.S. To the middle level customer service representative who I am sure is reading this letter - I am BEGGING you to pass it on to Mr. Wagoner or a senior staff member who is concerned about the survival of GM. I believe I am your ideal demographic - a wealthy middle-aged professional who would like to buy several more Cadillacs before I die and who is currently shopping for a Corvette for his 21 year old son who is looking to work for GM some day as an Industrial Psychologist. Do you really want to lose me and my family base on sheer incompetence and neglect of customers?"

Fuck you dude. No one gives a shit that you're wealthy and blah blah blah. Also, he's a piece of shit because he's begging and pleading us for what, so he can buy more of our shit? That doesn't make sense. What's wrong with consumers now that this is their mentality - "Please, please let me buy your shit so I can achieve the social status associated with owning your shit." If this is how you think then your life has no meaning.

1. A customer sent me a random check made out to an independent repair shop with a note attached. The note reads exactly, "here is were I pay it have been pay to them got from Bank. Thank you" signed Douchebag McGee.

2. A company called DNA Lab Work LLC attempted to recruit me for some Lab Tech job. They wanted me to pay $129 to get certified then pay for some training after that. Fuck that. Fucking scammers. Nice try assholes. P.S. If you are in Indianapolis, punch Lawrence Reese in the sac.

1. GM started advertising with Sean Hannity on Fox News radio. Apparently he is a conservative, right-wing, opinionated Republican talk show host. A bunch of customers have been throwing shit-fits about this and sending us complaint emails. So much so that we've already created a canned email response template specifically for those complaints. I don't understand people complaining about this. First of all, they're upset because they disagree with his opinions and a product they like is being advertised on his show. Guess what people - GM is a CORPORATION - that means they're goal is to make money. They don't give a shit what his opinions are - if he has a big audience, they're going to advertise with him. Secondly, if you care enough to write us nasty letters about it, you're obviously MORE of an opinionated idiot than him. And thirdly, if you know that GM is advertising on his show, then apparently you were listening to the show, which increases his listener base, which is why GM started advertising with him in the first place! You are ALL, fucking idiots.

2. When a GM customer calls us, the phone prompts specifically tell the customer to have their VIN ready for us. We really can't do much without it. Besides that, if you're calling the manufacturer about a complex concern having to do with vehicle repairs and such, why wouldn't you have it handy anyway? So some douchebag calls me unprepared. I kept asking him for his VIN and he kept ignoring me and running his mouth. When I finally drove it into his head that in order for me to assist him he MUST find his VIN and to please get it for me, he says 'okay' and asks that I wait for him to find it. Fine. For three whole minutes (which is longer than you think) I sit listening to him shuffle papers and talk to himself and his buddies while he looks for it. It should NEVER take that long to find your VIN. Even if you have a big house and had to go out to your car to grab your registration out of the glove box, it still shouldn't take more than 30 seconds. So he comes back on the phone after three minutes and asks, "Okay, you ready?" ...Yeah...I'm ready, asshole. You're the one who called me. You're the one who took three fucking minutes to find an important piece of information you should have had ready in the first place, and you have the GALL to ask ME if I'M ready? Fuck, you.

3. Often times GM employees are looking to purchase a vehicle using their discount and need an authorization code from us. They call in but are misled by the phone prompts and wind up calling my department. I always have to transfer them to the correct department, but first I always tell them how to do it right the next time - dial the same number you just dialed, but press 1 when it picks up, and that will get you on your way. I told some old man this yesterday and he tells me, "Oh, I don't know, that sounds too confusing to me." Well then maybe you should just die.

1. A Hummer customer calls me last night - he's from Idaho and traveling in Portland. His H2 is 3 1/2 years old and has 71,500 miles on it and his transmission went out and he feels we should pay for it. Well, sure, I guess that shouldn't happen so I'll look into getting most of his money back. The dealer tells me it's going to be $5,800 to repair it. So I tell the customer that he has two options: 1) I can give him up to $3,000 off of a new vehicle and he can get rid of this one OR 2) I can reimburse him for most of the repair cost (incidentally I can only reimburse up to $5,000, but hey, he shouldn't get off too easily). I told him I needed to speak with the service manager first and then would call him back tomorrow. I needed to speak to the service manager to see if he would just file the paperwork off to GM so we could pro-rate it and make everything easier on the customer. Turns out today, that after I spoke with this asshole last night he goes and sells the vehicle and buys a new Hummer, and just has them add $6,000 on to his loan to pay for the cost of the repair. He thinks that's what I told him to do, which I would NEVER do because then I can't reimburse him. Service manager found out this morning was pissed and chewed out the sales guys for being stellar dumbfucks. Then the customer calls me pissed as hell and I have to tell him there's nothing I can do because it's a fucking loan with a lean holder and I can't touch that. Why don't people a) listen b) not make such hasty decisions and c) realize that once you sign a fucking piece of paper, NOTHING but fucking NOTHING changes it - with the exception of long, drawn-out, time-wasting court battles that cost more than the money in question. Fucking moron. And salesman Greg Campo at Vic Alfonso - you should have known better asshole, thanks for making my job more difficult.

I just got off the phone with a Hummer customer from California (two big strikes against him already). Here's the breakdown of this guy's case:

*purchased the vehicle used with 20,000 miles
*purchased from a non-GM dealer
*gets no mainenance done at a GM dealer
*doesn't get any maintenance done on the vehicle at all
*no purchase history with GM
*vehicle is out of warranty by time and miles (60,000 miles)
*he cracked his transfer case and burned up his transmission because all the fluid leaked out
*the techs state it's due to lack of maintenance
*repair cost is $1904.30

This asshole thinks we're responsible. It's USED so we don't know what was done to it prior to his ownership and he doesn't even maintain it. Plus, he's 24,000 miles out of warranty - that's nearly the circumference of the Earth. If I told you that a vehicle was out of warranty and you said, "I don't give a fuck" and then proceeded to circumnavigate the globe, would you expect me to take responsibility for everything that would be wrong with that piece of shit when you're done? That's bullshit, but that's what these people do.

1. Some fucking Hummer customer was bitching at me because his leather seats are starting to wrinkle at 25,000 miles. He wants us to replace them. It's leather asshole. If you walked 25,000 miles in a leather coat do you think it would be in the same condition as when you started? Fucking people.

2. Everybody that I speak to in Las Vegas lately is from the east coast. It pisses me off - I don't want east coasters in the West, even if it is Vegas.

3. One of those east coast assholes in Vegas was complaining that he'd been waiting for someone to answer and he'd had to wait on hold. I had to place him on hold for 5 minutes and call the dealership and he gave me his cell phone number 'in case we get disconnected' but I could tell he was just going to hang up after a minute anyway. And the motherfucker did. Okay assholes, if you want to be helped, you've got to play along. Wait on hold - nobody's going to forget about you. Like I want you sitting on my line, tying up my phone? Fuck you impatient assholes.

1. Some Hummer asshole from New Jersey told me that he bought a home in the 60s for $15,000 and now he purchased an H2 for $65,000 and that's reason why he should get better assistance from the dealership. That's bullshit - $65,000 today was worth about $10-11,000 in the 60s. So relatively you still spent less on the vehicle than on the house. Pull your head out of your ass.

2. I needed to call the dealership for that asshole and I told him that if it's okay with him I'll place him on hold for 5-10 minutes while I do that. He asks, "Or do you just want to call me back when you're done or should I wait on hold?" Gee, I wonder which one it is asshole - maybe it's what I said the first fucking time. I work in an inbound call center - if we hang up, I've got other shit to do and other calls to take. We aren't teaching children to listen well enough in public schools.