1. A Hummer customer calls me last night - he's from Idaho and traveling in Portland. His H2 is 3 1/2 years old and has 71,500 miles on it and his transmission went out and he feels we should pay for it. Well, sure, I guess that shouldn't happen so I'll look into getting most of his money back. The dealer tells me it's going to be $5,800 to repair it. So I tell the customer that he has two options: 1) I can give him up to $3,000 off of a new vehicle and he can get rid of this one OR 2) I can reimburse him for most of the repair cost (incidentally I can only reimburse up to $5,000, but hey, he shouldn't get off too easily). I told him I needed to speak with the service manager first and then would call him back tomorrow. I needed to speak to the service manager to see if he would just file the paperwork off to GM so we could pro-rate it and make everything easier on the customer. Turns out today, that after I spoke with this asshole last night he goes and sells the vehicle and buys a new Hummer, and just has them add $6,000 on to his loan to pay for the cost of the repair. He thinks that's what I told him to do, which I would NEVER do because then I can't reimburse him. Service manager found out this morning was pissed and chewed out the sales guys for being stellar dumbfucks. Then the customer calls me pissed as hell and I have to tell him there's nothing I can do because it's a fucking loan with a lean holder and I can't touch that. Why don't people a) listen b) not make such hasty decisions and c) realize that once you sign a fucking piece of paper, NOTHING but fucking NOTHING changes it - with the exception of long, drawn-out, time-wasting court battles that cost more than the money in question. Fucking moron. And salesman Greg Campo at Vic Alfonso - you should have known better asshole, thanks for making my job more difficult.

I just got off the phone with a Hummer customer from California (two big strikes against him already). Here's the breakdown of this guy's case:

*purchased the vehicle used with 20,000 miles
*purchased from a non-GM dealer
*gets no mainenance done at a GM dealer
*doesn't get any maintenance done on the vehicle at all
*no purchase history with GM
*vehicle is out of warranty by time and miles (60,000 miles)
*he cracked his transfer case and burned up his transmission because all the fluid leaked out
*the techs state it's due to lack of maintenance
*repair cost is $1904.30

This asshole thinks we're responsible. It's USED so we don't know what was done to it prior to his ownership and he doesn't even maintain it. Plus, he's 24,000 miles out of warranty - that's nearly the circumference of the Earth. If I told you that a vehicle was out of warranty and you said, "I don't give a fuck" and then proceeded to circumnavigate the globe, would you expect me to take responsibility for everything that would be wrong with that piece of shit when you're done? That's bullshit, but that's what these people do.

1. Some fucking Hummer customer was bitching at me because his leather seats are starting to wrinkle at 25,000 miles. He wants us to replace them. It's leather asshole. If you walked 25,000 miles in a leather coat do you think it would be in the same condition as when you started? Fucking people.

2. Everybody that I speak to in Las Vegas lately is from the east coast. It pisses me off - I don't want east coasters in the West, even if it is Vegas.

3. One of those east coast assholes in Vegas was complaining that he'd been waiting for someone to answer and he'd had to wait on hold. I had to place him on hold for 5 minutes and call the dealership and he gave me his cell phone number 'in case we get disconnected' but I could tell he was just going to hang up after a minute anyway. And the motherfucker did. Okay assholes, if you want to be helped, you've got to play along. Wait on hold - nobody's going to forget about you. Like I want you sitting on my line, tying up my phone? Fuck you impatient assholes.

1. Some Hummer asshole from New Jersey told me that he bought a home in the 60s for $15,000 and now he purchased an H2 for $65,000 and that's reason why he should get better assistance from the dealership. That's bullshit - $65,000 today was worth about $10-11,000 in the 60s. So relatively you still spent less on the vehicle than on the house. Pull your head out of your ass.

2. I needed to call the dealership for that asshole and I told him that if it's okay with him I'll place him on hold for 5-10 minutes while I do that. He asks, "Or do you just want to call me back when you're done or should I wait on hold?" Gee, I wonder which one it is asshole - maybe it's what I said the first fucking time. I work in an inbound call center - if we hang up, I've got other shit to do and other calls to take. We aren't teaching children to listen well enough in public schools.

1. I was guiding a customer through some settings on her stereo and she pressed a button and told me, "Well, I see bass and tremble." She pronounced 'bass' as in [bas], as in large mouth bass and not as in a bass guitar.

2. Our entire phone system was down for 3 hours this morning, but it went back online right before my shift started so I didn't get the luxury of goofing off.

1. I just listened in to a coworker's phone call with an old man. The old man felt his vehicle didn't "ride like a Cadillac". Everyone has seen it, legal department has investigated it, and the regional manager denied any further assistance. The old man was screaming and yelling and told my coworker, "I fought in World War II, you wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me!" Fucker. Get over yourself. So that means that we should automatically fulfill your outrageous and unrealistic request? If it had been me I would have just told him the truth - I'd be here either way, my grandma was in the Hitler Youth. HA!

2. Here's your typical Hummer customer: douche has his H2 stolen off the dealer's lot in 2004 - calls me about it TODAY. The thief drove it 750 miles before it was recovered and now, 2 years later and out of warranty, he wants GM to pay to change the locks and, AND he wants an extended warranty. What the hell?

3. My dental isurance still hasn't paid for a bill for a standard check-up I had in April.

4. My foot still hurts from mountain climbing last week.

1. I am not legally trained, I cannot advise on legal matters. If customers have a legal claim against GM we have a separate department that handles it. This fucking attorney calls in about a case he's representing and wants me to pull up the customer's info. This bumbling moron didn't have the customer's phone number, VIN, and couldn't even spell their name right. Without at least one of those three pieces of information, I have no hope of finding them in my database of millions of people. This guy was pissed because he was expecting a call back from someone in the legal department and they never did. So he starts going off on me about the case like I'm going to make any decisions about it. I interrupted him and this is how it went:

Me: "Unfortunately sir I can't advise on any legal matters. The person in the legal department is going to be the one with whom you need to speak."
Him : "Well, then why don't you get me the number to the legal department, it's not rocket science."
Me: "Sir, there's no need to be disrespectful."
Him: "I wasn't being disrespectful!"
Me: "Yes you were sir. You were being rude and I didn't appreciate it. You're an attorney and I should hope that you would be more professional than that."
Him: "Well you're just rationalizing and side-stepping the issue. Now what's that number?!"

Motherfucker.

1. DMV is revoking my liscense for 30 days those fuckers. I was in two accidents last year and then I received a speeding ticket in July and at the same time was cited for failure to maintain a safe distance. This equals four offenses in less than two years so those fuckers are taking away my privileges. I've been trying to get a job for 3 years and now I really won't be able to get one because my driving record is fucked and I won't have a valid liscence. This is bullshit.

2. On my way to work this morning I was stopped at a stop light and there was an accident being cleaned up behind me with two cops at the scene. Some soccer mom turned in front of me going towards the accident and when she saw the cops she reached over and put her seatbelt on. Who the fuck in this day and age doesn't know to wear their fucking seatbelt at ALL times!? You've got to be a fucking moron not to wear one. That's like not believing that smoking causes cancer. How can you be so stupid?

3. There was a Ted Koppel special on Discovery Channel last night about security and terrorism and the like. There was a national poll on it that reported that 25% of Americans think it would be OKAY to detain Arab-American citizens in special camps to determine whether or not they had any connection to terrorism. And 47% think it would be okay to force them to carry national ID badges. What the FUCK!!?? FUCK THIS COUNTRY! FUCK YOU ASSHOLES! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Fuck all you motherfucking racist ignorant rednecks. I hope all your daughters are raped and impregnated by Arabs. What the hell is wrong with this country? I love America, but I hate the fucking people. In case you can't tell, I'm pissed. Why don't we ask all the elderly Japanese and Philippino Americans who were in internment camps in the 50s what they think about this idea? Or what about Holocaust survivors? The United States is populated by ignorant rednecks that don't deserve the luxuries they've been afforded.

4. Everyone at my work is into astrology like it's a legitimate thing. Astrology is such bullshit. "Well, I'm a libra so you know, I could go either way." said some dumb bitch on my team. How about you're a human being with free will that's not governed by the orientation of gaseous balls of fire billions of light years away.

5. I just had to tell a cop how to do his job. Some sherriff from northern Wisconsin called with a VIN and wanted me to tell him who the owner of the vehicle was so he could track them down for illegally dumping the vehicle. We don't keep current records here - if a customer calls in we get their information and in that sense it's current, but they're private citizens so if they sell the vehicle we have no way to track that, we just make the damn things. So basically we may have information about AN owner, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're THE owner. So I explained this to the cop and told him he might want to contact his local DMV and they should probably be able to tell him to whom it's registered. "Oh, yeah, that's a good idea." Yeah, fucking moron. I hate cops.