1. It pisses me off when people refer to organizations such as Hezbollah as "fundamentalist" Islamics. Or white supremacists as "fundamentalist" Christians. To be fundamentalist means that you're strictly adhering to the basic tenets of your religion (or whatever it is). The basic moral doctrine of BOTH Islam and Christianity is universal love, tolerance and acceptance of all peoples and is inherently non-violent. So to attribute violent groups as being "fundamentalists" of a particular religion is retarded - if they were truly fundamentalists, they would be peaceful and work only to serve their God.

2. I just had an old man on the phone who accidentally turned on his hazard warning flashers and didn't know how to turn them off. He didn't even know what they were called. Yeah, that's what you want to do: buy a $50k+ vehicle and not even know how to operate it, especially anything that has to do with an emergency. The button was clearly marked and located in the middle of the console by the shift lever. He didn't know what the shift lever was either. He said he couldn't find the information in the owner's manual. When the conversation was done he said he didn't need anything further. I said, "Well, if you'd like to know, the information is on page 3-4 of your owner's manual." But before I could spit it all out he interrupted me abruptly and said, "I SAID I don't need anything FURTHER." Fucking people - fine, remain ignorant you piece of shit.

1. I hate when customers complain that they spent 'so much money' on their car and think that's any reason for them not to have problems. I had a lady this morning use that line, but when I asked her what was wrong with the vehicle she wasn't sure and had to read it off of the repair order because she didn't understand what it all was. You know, if I had spent 'so much money' on something I would take the time to understand what was wrong with it so that I would understand what the fuck rotors are and the fact that they wear out with time.

2. People don't seem to understand that when you call a customer service line everything has to be documented. That's why you're told, "This call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance." So when I ask women for their names, 75% of the time it's, "Well, it's registered to my husband who is Dick Sack." Did I ask for his name? No - I asked for YOUR name. Try listening next time.

3. The ops manager here is one of those women that flutters her eyelids incessantly whenever you talk to her. I want staple her eyes open so that she has the confidence to be a bitch while looking me in the eye.

1. A customer called looking to order a new owner's manual. I told her she would need to call our publications division and began giving her the number. She says, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, let me get something to write with." Okay, you knew that you would need to write something down when you called, why didn't you have it ready?

1. Keith Panning of Youngstown, Ohio is a fucking dickhead. Do me a favor - if you see him, kidnap his children.

2. I keep getting bloody noses.

3. I spoke with a customer who wanted us to warranty a repair on his vehicle that is out of warranty. We had no reason to do so, so I told him no. He told me that he was a Ford guy before, but then they wouldn't cover a repair when his truck was out of warranty so he switched to GM and now they're giving him the same treatment. Wah, wah, you big baby. Let's think about this asshole - what's the common denominator here - it's YOU. Maybe that's just how the industry is and you're asking for shit you don't deserve.

4. We're not supposed to surf the internet at my job - period, but that doesn't stop 98% of us from doing it - myself included. But we keep it pretty moderate - if I have work to do I do that first. My manager is on my ass right now to get to work because some of us were sitting around chatting - yet he's the one who's chatting on AIM all fucking day. Most of us surf the internet, but almost nobody chats because we all recognize that's just too inappropriate. I tried asking my manager some work-related questions earlier today and he just sat there ignoring me and giggling about his messenger conversation. What a fucking asshole.

1. Sometimes I need to transfer customers to another department, and if they are a nasty customer then out of curiosity I mute the phone and listen to see what happens. A lot of times they have to navigate their way through an automated phone system first. For example, the phone system will say, "Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish" or "Press 1 if you're calling about your auto loan, 2 if you're calling about your insurance" or something to that effect. I'm astonished that 9 times out of 10 the idiots don't press anything - they just sit there quietly and wait. What the fuck people? Press something - you need to get to where you're going - and if you just don't want to speak to a live person then usually you can just continually press 0 and you will get somebody pretty quick. Either way you have to press something. People are so fucking stupid - they don't listen when they're asking for solutions to their problems.

2. I had a customer who bought a Cobalt 3 weeks ago and she said she was out of town for several days and let her teenage son and his friends go joy-riding in downtown Detroit. Her dumbass son locked the keys in the car so he called roadside assistance to come unlock the car. The window and weather stripping are so badly damaged that they need to be replaced and the customer is claiming that the locksmith did it. Yeah, let's see - your TEENAGE son and his friends were in downtown Detroit - you're right, it must have been the professional. Like nobody in downtown D-town isn't going to try to break into the vehicle with keys sitting in the ignition anyway.

3. I just handed a customer his ass. The guy was irate because it was taking a week to get his truck fixed because they had to order parts. He said, "I paid over $40,000 for this truck, it shouldn't take this long." I pointed out to him the fact that if a vehicle costs more, then logically you would be more likely to have to order parts because it would have less market share and therefore less demand and less availability of parts. He was actually just being ostentatious so that I wouldn't have any idea how small his dick is.

1. My last call went something like this:

Irate bitch: "My 13yr old son was in the front seat and while I was driving he tried to climb into the back seat and became tangled in the seatbelt. After my dumbass husband and I couldn't free him we had to cut him out. Why does the seatbelt get tighter and why is there no secondary release!!??"

Me: "Because the belts are actually designed to entrap the children of moronic parents and strangle them so as to eliminate your genes from the pool."

How hard is it to get untangled from a seatbelt? What the hell?

1. There's no gas stations close to my house and I forgot to fill up my tank yesterday, so I had to stop to fill up on the way to work this morning. I went to the nearest gas station and they were completely OUT of gas. So I went to another gas station and the only person working there was a really old man who was slow as hell (in Oregon it's illegal to pump your own gas, so you have to wait for an attendant). I was about 25 minutes late for work because of this.

2. I spent half an hour listening to a customer complain that he couldn't see out of the sideview mirrors on his brand new GMC Sierra. I spoke to the dealer who'd inspected it and he told me that the customer is TOO SHORT to see out of them.

3. I work with a lot of people I don't know and I was just walking down the aisle when another guy walked into the aisle so we ended up walking next to each other. This guy is in his early 40s and one of those cocky short assholes. He tried making small talk with me by exaggerating his apparently sore legs. In an inferiority-complexed tone he said, "Uh, I must be getting old - spent the weekend kayaking and horse-back riding and I pay for it Monday morning." Yeah, I don't give a shit asshole. I get it - you're short but you can perform. Wow, good job trying to impress another heterosexual male.

1. I was actually having a decent morning until some dumb bitch had to ruin it. She was snotty and pretentious right off the bat - she was demanding the phone number for headquarters (which I don't have).

2. It pisses me off when insecure people find something funny and they feel they have to make an obvious show about it so that people will come ask them what's so funny. I just had a coworker do this - I was attending to my work of checking my email and the genius next to me starts chuckling to himself. When I don't react immediately (because it's obvious he's trying to get attention) he laughs some more and says things like, "Oh man... that's funny... huh huh... oh man." Yeah, I got it, you found something funny on the internet - not really interested. But since I am not paying him attention he continued to make pathetic attempts at getting attention. Give it up people - be a man, be an adult, just be something other than an insecure child who is 26 years old. He eventually had to ask me to look. Lame.

3. I had to cut that last post short because we had an emergency drill at work. We had to change our time punches while fleeing for our lives, then they all directed us into the bathrooms. Yeah, that's a good idea, huddle everybody into the bathroom during a 7-pointer. I'll feel safe.

4. I was on the phone for half an hour with a woman because her Impala didn't have a locking gas cap and somebody put sugar in the tank. It was going to cost $2,000 to fix and she thinks it's our fault. How is this anybody's fault but the person who did it? They don't come with locks and we don't make locks for them - sorry. If somebody broke your windows and trashed your car would it be GM's fault for not making unbreakable windows? Then the lady bitched because Corvettes come with them. I told her it's because you have to pay more for a Corvette, so you get a better product. She said that's discrimination like if she's considered less of a person because someone else is Chinese and she's black. What?! I didn't even understand that - people are crazy. I told her it's not discrimination, it's capitalism. She said she's going to take it to the attorney general's office. Go ahead, bitch. Then she asked me if I knew who she was, I said yes - Patricia Hayes. She asked, "How'd you know that?" Me - "Because you told me at the beginning of the call." Maybe if she hadn't been rambling about so much nonsense she wouldn't have forgotten what she'd said along the way.

1. I ordered honey-mustard but I got ranch instead. Ranch is disgusting - it's just mayonnaise with herbs and garlic in it.

2. I hate when people say 'ranch sauce'. It's not ranch sauce, it's ranch dressing asshole.

3. I overheard someone at work say, "Spanish ain't no people, it's a language." Yeah, why don't you tell that to the Spanish.

4. Twice in the last 5 minutes I've gotten calls from customers around Southhaven, Mississippi looking for a dealership. I sent them both to the same dealer. Both customers were dumb as hell and could barely hold a conversation. I'm shocked - this coming from a state with such a solid education system as Mississippi.

1. I'm too lazy to write anything that I care about.

2. I have cat hair all over my shirt.

3. I just realized I'm missing my break right now.

4. I just had a customer call me and tell me that he's trapped inside the vehicle and can't open the doors. You've got to be kidding me. How hard is it to open the damn window? Or the rear hatch? I don't believe him - I'm sure it was just locked doors or some stupid shit like that. I transferred him to roadside assistance - I'm not getting involved with that.

5. My manager told us he would be gone all this week but he's here today.

6. I work with a woman who is digustingly sweet to her customers. That doesn't bother me - what bothers me is that the company always tells us to be like that and in reality you HAVE to be like that to grown adults just so they don't get super-pissed over something they have no right to be angry about in the first place. Why should I have to baby mature adults? Now, I generally follow the, "there's no excuse for rudeness" rule, so I'm pretty good on the phone and in person, but there's a difference between being rude and being blunt. If I have bad news to deliver and I'm blunt, my ass gets chewed, if I'm super nice about it the customer is generally patient and understanding. Why? It's the same information - your brain should be able to process it as the same thing. Nothing can change it, but since I didn't coddle them, they suddenly become unreasonable and demanding? Fuck that, I'm not treating anyone like a baby except babies. It's not MY problem if they can't handle it.